this is all I have to say, for now.

I want to go back to when we were just pretending. I want to go back to when things weren't complicated. When we held hands under tables and shared stolen moments by the elevator.

Except you were the only one who was pretending.

You said you didn't want to hurt me but it's too late, and there's nothing I can do about it. My entire body aches for you, your voice, your smell, your touch.

It's not your fault, I'm basically unlovable. I don't blame you at all. I'm moody and unpredictable and full of problems. I'm too much work and I don't really matter that much to anybody. I need to be needed and this has always been a problem for me.

I didn't want you to be the boy I left behind. I didn't want this at all. Even though it is clear to me now that you never thought of me in such a way and I hate myself for being stupid and not realising.

So I guess that's it.



photo credit - kelsey