Two pens, blue and black. My glasses, in the blue case. Red lipstick. A camera.
Time for another cup of coffee.
photo credit - sabino
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
shroud
One notebook is for secrets. One notebook is for stories. One book is for keeping track of myself. One book is for running away.
Two pens, blue and black. My glasses, in the blue case. Red lipstick. A camera.
Time for another cup of coffee.
photo credit - sabino
Two pens, blue and black. My glasses, in the blue case. Red lipstick. A camera.
Time for another cup of coffee.
photo credit - sabino
Monday, February 1, 2010
qui sait le pourquoi
If you don't come over and pretend with me I'll pretend on my own.
Today is black coffee and messy hair and ripped black tights and a black lace bra, with a flannel shirt thrown over the top (also known as my pyjamas) and Paris Combo and ciabatta with camembert and pesto and high heels and paintings of Africa and being alone but not lonely.
No, I'm lying. Of course I'm lonely. I'm just starting to not care.
Today is being a Viktor girl in Paris. Today is being pretentious because make-believe makes me feel better. Today is a grey sky and tired eyes.
photo credit - myself
Today is black coffee and messy hair and ripped black tights and a black lace bra, with a flannel shirt thrown over the top (also known as my pyjamas) and Paris Combo and ciabatta with camembert and pesto and high heels and paintings of Africa and being alone but not lonely.
No, I'm lying. Of course I'm lonely. I'm just starting to not care.
Today is being a Viktor girl in Paris. Today is being pretentious because make-believe makes me feel better. Today is a grey sky and tired eyes.
photo credit - myself
Saturday, January 30, 2010
"an early night" part 8
Gen had a new boyfriend every month or two since she was sixteen, and the occasional girlfriend. They never lasted very long but Gen would always act besotted until she actually started to fall in love, then she would get scared and run away. She was a self-proclaimed commitment-phobe.
'So what are we doing tonight, anyway?' I asked, to break the topic off Adam.
'Well, there's not much to do on a Thursday night except put your feet up and watch telly. We could get Ally over, maybe. I don't think she has work in the morning.' So we called Ally and arranged for her to drive over.
Allison Viktor was our closest friend. It had always just been Edith and Genevieve, the two weird girls who did stupid things and kept to themselves, but then we met Ally at a party and kind of adopted her. She was tiny - skinny and a petite height of just four foot five - with long black hair and olive skin. She'd been with her boyfriend, Isaac, for two and a half years now. They lived together in a tiny house with some of Isaac's friends and Ally liked to escape whenever she could.
She'd finished high school at seventeen, excelling at most subjects, and was at university now where she found the work 'too easy'. Of course Ally was smart. She was quite and peaceful, she listened and picked up more than she let on. Sometimes she was so quiet that it seemed as though she didn't care what you were saying. People often thought that she was unfeeling. But that was just Ally, when you got to know her she would open up to you.
photo credit - caroline bonarde ucci
'So what are we doing tonight, anyway?' I asked, to break the topic off Adam.
'Well, there's not much to do on a Thursday night except put your feet up and watch telly. We could get Ally over, maybe. I don't think she has work in the morning.' So we called Ally and arranged for her to drive over.
Allison Viktor was our closest friend. It had always just been Edith and Genevieve, the two weird girls who did stupid things and kept to themselves, but then we met Ally at a party and kind of adopted her. She was tiny - skinny and a petite height of just four foot five - with long black hair and olive skin. She'd been with her boyfriend, Isaac, for two and a half years now. They lived together in a tiny house with some of Isaac's friends and Ally liked to escape whenever she could.
She'd finished high school at seventeen, excelling at most subjects, and was at university now where she found the work 'too easy'. Of course Ally was smart. She was quite and peaceful, she listened and picked up more than she let on. Sometimes she was so quiet that it seemed as though she didn't care what you were saying. People often thought that she was unfeeling. But that was just Ally, when you got to know her she would open up to you.
photo credit - caroline bonarde ucci
Friday, January 29, 2010
on the sly
"I guess it is just love"
I can't stand the way he treats her. He can be so good to her, treat her so well, until she starts to feel safe and comfortable again and then he turns it all off and leaves her in the dark. I don't want her to be used to disappointment. I want her to be happy. I want her. I want her to come over so that we can eat croissants and drink black coffee and smoke cigarettes on my little front porch.
photo credit - unknown
I can't stand the way he treats her. He can be so good to her, treat her so well, until she starts to feel safe and comfortable again and then he turns it all off and leaves her in the dark. I don't want her to be used to disappointment. I want her to be happy. I want her. I want her to come over so that we can eat croissants and drink black coffee and smoke cigarettes on my little front porch.
photo credit - unknown
Thursday, January 28, 2010
"drink before disaster"
I have no pretty way to put it:
School starts on the third of next month.
I have to admit that I'm actually looking forward to it. Last years crop of fresh faces was the most irritating, worse than the year before and even worse than my year. You're not an Unlimited student if you haven't affronted the new kids simply for being new kids. This year the outlook is grim, girls with large posteriors and even larger egos will be gracing the stairwells and trying too hard to be something they are not - grown up.
It's hard to say whether or not I had a nice day. It started nice, I mooched around in a comfortable over sized grey tee-shirt that swallows me whole and was visited by my best friend, Alexandra. She only came for a moment to collect her things but she gave me a cigarette and after she left I sat on the back porch, absorbing the sun and filling my lungs with both the sweet air of summer and the poison from my cigarette. I didn't expect to see Alex again but after I had gone back inside and settled in my favourite chair she came to the door, holding French fries. I dressed and we went to town.
This is where it started to go wrong. I was in pain from the moment we got on the bus and it got steadily worse. I asked Alex to take me to the food court because I started to feel sick, she got me a glass of water from a cafe and was told by a woman that I looked 'several shades of white'. The woman was right, I saw myself in a reflection - paper white, face shiny with cold sweat.
I started to feel a tingling in the tips of my fingers. It spread all through me, getting more intense until it was like my blood was vibrating. Not just in my fingers but in my toes and my arms and legs and even my tongue and face. I was stiff like a corpse, too. Alex tried to bend my fingers but they stuck straight out.
Alex talked to my dad on the phone for me and he came and picked me up. I was carried out of the food court by him and taken to hospital.
Other than that, my day was nice. I'm glad I have Alex, I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have her.
photo credit - bruno maric
School starts on the third of next month.
I have to admit that I'm actually looking forward to it. Last years crop of fresh faces was the most irritating, worse than the year before and even worse than my year. You're not an Unlimited student if you haven't affronted the new kids simply for being new kids. This year the outlook is grim, girls with large posteriors and even larger egos will be gracing the stairwells and trying too hard to be something they are not - grown up.
It's hard to say whether or not I had a nice day. It started nice, I mooched around in a comfortable over sized grey tee-shirt that swallows me whole and was visited by my best friend, Alexandra. She only came for a moment to collect her things but she gave me a cigarette and after she left I sat on the back porch, absorbing the sun and filling my lungs with both the sweet air of summer and the poison from my cigarette. I didn't expect to see Alex again but after I had gone back inside and settled in my favourite chair she came to the door, holding French fries. I dressed and we went to town.
This is where it started to go wrong. I was in pain from the moment we got on the bus and it got steadily worse. I asked Alex to take me to the food court because I started to feel sick, she got me a glass of water from a cafe and was told by a woman that I looked 'several shades of white'. The woman was right, I saw myself in a reflection - paper white, face shiny with cold sweat.
I started to feel a tingling in the tips of my fingers. It spread all through me, getting more intense until it was like my blood was vibrating. Not just in my fingers but in my toes and my arms and legs and even my tongue and face. I was stiff like a corpse, too. Alex tried to bend my fingers but they stuck straight out.
Alex talked to my dad on the phone for me and he came and picked me up. I was carried out of the food court by him and taken to hospital.
Other than that, my day was nice. I'm glad I have Alex, I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have her.
photo credit - bruno maric
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
the difficult part
Has anybody else noticed that if you stand back and let the world go by that nothing particularly interesting ever happens to you? If you don't know how to step forward it's almost impossible to fix. It's different for everybody. Step one for me is don't run away.
photo credit - moominsean
photo credit - moominsean
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)